Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
