i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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