Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
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