where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
