Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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