Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
