I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
