Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
