I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
