apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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