when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
