despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
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