I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
