is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
