I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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