If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
