these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
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Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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