Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
