i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
