At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
