Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
