how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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