I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
