lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
