I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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