Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
