I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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