Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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