I can tuck mytits in my pants
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
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