Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
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