i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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