i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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