im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
