So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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