so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
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Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
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