she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Randomize
