ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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