does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
