I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
