All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
