Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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