How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
