Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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