Don't you send me to vm
K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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