new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
