sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
