it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
