So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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