I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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