Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
