Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
