i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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