Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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