That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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