I just made out with a guy for $7.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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