i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
