Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
