remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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