dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
