Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
it was like eating out sand paper
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
