I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Randomize
