Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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