i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
