Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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