just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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