Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
