after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
The struggles of a small town man whore
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
