i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
